annie get your gun.

"some days go by
i wish i was famous
or maybe religious
so i could go to heaven
just like you."

"the only heart that i broke was mine when i got my hopes up too high"

it's funny how when i thought you loved me i wished you didn't for your sake. i know you don't now. i came so close to telling you to shut the hell up about her, that it burned that she made you happy... but we're standing so close that if i left that bomb off, we'd both rush in opposite directions, one of us in pieces. it all made sense for a while. i could be a normal girl, waving her soldier off at sea. it's so hard to tell yourself there are other loves in the world, especially when you don't know why your current one hurt you so much... why did you hurt me so much? what is it about you that sparkles? maybe you're just ten times as pure as i am. you told me you wouldn't let me go to hell. what if i told you i was already there? past love taught me how to play it cool. "the best way not to get your heart broken," he told me, sitting on his car's hood-- "is to pretend you don't have one." it's not as easy for me. i put all my chips in and lose the bet every time. i don't have an escape route. no pillars to hold my head high. i'm just me. nothing extraordinary. no reason for people to ask me my story, not much of one...

and oh god, my dreams... it haunts me nightly that they won't come true. it's all self-worth and i can't fucking sleep anymore. i can't pretend like they can... i can't become a casualty of consistency and ignorace. my head would burst. i would be dead within the day. i can't handle these thoughts anymore. this is the place to force them out, make them leave be.

do you ever feel like you're only a tragedy of the world? An annoyance? A parriah? A mistake? A waste?
I don't think I'm needed. or wanted. God, I sound like an angsty teenager but maybe that's all i'll ever be... hope it's good enough for all of you.

even after

the hearts we break
the love we take
the mistakes we make
the days we fake
a smile...

life keeps going on,
mile after mile.


keep holding on. don't ever let go of your biggest, wildest dreams. i know today is boring but you'll never know the wild, mysterious journeys tomorrow holds unless you get there! i've been to the darkest dark and to the lightest light and i can tell you, life is worth it. you're worth it. so keep being you, no matter what other people say. You are unique. You are not a carbon-copy of any one on this planet. Keep being you. The world needs you to make a healthy, varied mix. Hold on tight and never let go. Oh, and love always prevails over hate.


















always.